One of hidden blessings in recovering from surgery is the enforced helplessness and uselessness, neither of which do I like and both of which are good for my soul.

Once they put the mask on the situation is completely out of your control. Your life is in the hands of the anesthesiologist, the surgeon, and the rest of the operating room team. I had a delightful nap and woke up in the post-anesthesia care unit to be told the procedure was done, it had taken about forty five minutes, and everything had gone well. The nurses took exquisite care of me and I posted pictures on Instagram. I had all sorts of helping hands. After they got my blood pressure down where it was supposed to be they wheeled my to the door and helped me into the car so Corky could drive me home. Corky stopped at Wegmans and picked up the narcotics prescription while I listened to classical music on the radio. We continued on home where she sat me down in the recliner, insisted that I not do anything stupid like trying to do anything for myself, and generally fussed over me like I was fragile and helpless and likely to hurt myself, all of which was true even if the pain meds had it well masked.

That was all quite pleasant for the first couple days, but before long I was really wanting to be able to drive and get myself to work or at least be able to concentrate well enough to be able to work from home.

I don't like being dependent on others. I don't like not being able to pull my own weight. I don't like leaving my colleagues at work short-handed when the project is in crunch time.

It seems I'm better at assuring others that their worth as human beings depends on who they are and not on what they can do, I'm better at assuring others that they don't need to try to earn God's love and favor because he has already freely given it, I'm better at assuring others of all this true and wonderful stuff than I am at believing it myself. This time of enforced helplessness and uselessness is good for me even if it does get really old really fast.

And then, by God's grace, this evening I found there is another to whom I can lend a hand even as I am forced to hold on to the hands of others. But that's a story for another day.