The bigger the family the bigger the dreams to have a room of ones own. I'm the oldest of six. I didn't have a room of my own until we moved to the Fairhaven Road house when I was in sixth grade. The younger ones graduated to their own rooms as the older ones moved out. And what a glorious day it was in the smaller house when I discovered the little door in the back of the front closet that led into the storage area between flights of stair going up and going down. I spent hours in there.

An odd mix we are; we crave companionship and we crave solitude. We are often least lonely when we are by ourselves. Crowds can be desperately lonely.

In my own room it's ok to be by myself.

As adults we still crave the solitary places and spaces. We come up with all sorts of hideaways and offices and sewing rooms and craft rooms and dens. If we can't do that we carve out spaces of different sorts. I have read of busy mothers who would duck behind the piano for their daily prayers; the children knew when Mother was behind the piano she was not to be disturbed.

I like walking and paddling with Corky and with friends. But long walks by myself are special times, or when when I'm solo in the canoe on the quiet evening water.

The monks and mystics follow a similar rhythm, coming together for communal prayer and work, returning to the cell or hermitage for solitary prayer and meditation. Silence is precious.

But let us not fool ourselves; the room of my own can be my prison, and solitude and silence a terror. By myself I face the darkness naked and alone. Without the radio and TV and Internet to distract and shield me from the silence, I hear other voices, and they are not all kind or wish me well. When the campfire burns low and the lantern is extinguished, who knows what else is out there in the darkness?

The monks agree. The hermitage is not for beginners; darkness is not for the weak.

Even in solitude I am never truly alone. Whether that is a blessing or a curse depends on where I put my trust. If it's just me against the darkness, please turn on the light.

But if it is God I meet in the solitude and silence, then let deep call upon deep and let our hearts be joined, for the room of my own is room for God, and I am at home.