A couple months ago one of my online friends got me hooked up with prompt-a-day writing project. Some days the prompt is a trigger, other days when I already know what I need to write about it gives me a place to start, a focal point for my thoughts.

On February 3 Shirlee sent out her "not yet circling the drain but definitely on the high end of the exit ramp" note. The writing prompt for the fourth was "Inheritance"; I talked about this marvelous Yashica-D camera she gave me when we were out here in 2010. The day's entry ended with, "Thanks for the camera, Sister."

Then all of a sudden Shirlee died the morning of February 13. The two months she thought she had left turned out to be a week and a half. The prompt for the day was "Connections", which was just right. I wrote about our visit last November, and Bruce's email that morning entitled simply, "She's gone." Yes, connections.

A couple days later Bruce asked me if I would officiate at Shirlee's memorial service. A big ask, I replied, but my privilege. It turned out that I didn't need to lead the service but would give a homily. The prompt for the day was "Words to live by".

Funerals and memorial services are not for the dead but for the living. We want to do right by the departed, but mostly we need to say goodbye, grieve together and close the loop. Especially for straight-laced white males like yours truly, we need a time when it's ok to cry. The rest of you are welcome to cry, too. Loss and grief are no respecters of person.

But what to say at a memorial service for a sister-in-law who was at least as close as my own brothers and sisters?

As I thought about it, one thing was certain: whatever words I would speak would have to be words to live by. The time for words to die by was the Wednesday night before Shirlee died. I'm thankful that I and a number of you had the opportunity to say the simple words to die by, like, "I love you." When Shirlee told me to take good care of Corky and to keep that relationship strong, I could say to her, "I will." Shirlee's daughters were there with her. She died in Bruce's arms. That was the time for words to die by. I thank God we had the chance to say them.

I do expect to see Shirlee again; I do not, however, expect her to be listening in on her own memorial service. Even if she were, she would want me to speak words of comfort to Bruce and the others gathered there. After all, her own last words were words for the living.

What then to say to the living?

One of the favorite passages from the Bible for times like this is the story of the raising of Lazarus, from the Gospel of John. [If you're not familiar with it, or even if you are, you can read it at BibleGateway.com. It's a marvelous story, told by a master of the art.]

[Read John 11:17-37]

Two things in particular lodged themselves in my mind as I thought about the passage. The first is the Jesus's words to Martha, one of the dead man's two sisters.

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?"

Beautiful words, those, with layers and layers to unwrap.

But just as striking, and maybe even more so as we look back knowing the rest of the story, is what happened when Jesus arrived at Lazarus's tomb.

Where have you laid him?" he asked.

“Come and see, Lord," they replied.

Jesus wept.

Jesus, knowing full well that he was about to raise Lazarus from the dead and present him, alive and healthy, back to his sisters, Jesus wept. Even for Christians who look beyond death, death is ugly; death is a travesty, an insult. It's not supposed to happen that way.

Shirlee's death was ugly, a travesty, an insult. It wasn't supposed to happen that way. She was supposed to live long and happy and pass away at a ripe old age, just like we expect Lazarus got to do. But that's not the way it happened. We didn't get the second miracle we prayed for. Shirlee died. The cancer finally killed her.

Thank God that's not the end of the story.

Thank God we do see beyond death.

Thank God Jesus is the resurrection and the life.

Today's writing prompt is "This good earth". I smiled as I thought about that, sitting outside yesterday on Bruce's deck in the gorgeous Spring weather. This good earth is a little less beautiful and a little less zany with Shirlee gone, but by God's grace it is still a very good and beautiful place, and not the least because of the mark Shirlee left on it. Each day is still a gift, as Shirlee kept reminding us these last several years, and we are still God's gifts to each other, called to live each day for God and for each other.

Tomorrow's prompt is "Dare to hope". And that we do. Thanks be to God.